I am a Nigerian girl. This means that I will always come second. It means that I am an afterthought, that no matter what I do, it’ll always be regarded as second best. Because I am a girl and man comes before woman.
I rebelled early. Or maybe there was no need for me to rebel, at least not in my household. I was an equal human being and I mattered, not because of, not if, I mattered equally.
My mother is feminist. And her mother before her. My grandmother knew the meaning of feminism, she knew the good it did her, because she was the first Ibaji girl from Uje, Kogi state to graduate from primary, secondary and tertiary institutes of learning- the first educated Ibaji woman. And after she left school, she fought for other women to be educated.
Primary two; my teacher called boys stupid because they let a girl lead the class.
The first time I spoke out about something I was not ok with was in Primary two. Aunty Sade was my class teacher and she somehow had it in her head that boys are smarter than girls. I had come first in class three terms in a row and at the end of the third term, just before the graduation ceremony, aunty Sade berated the boys in my class for letting me, an ordinary girl, beat them at school work. I was furious because I had worked hard to be the overall best student so I raised my hand and told her that was crap. I told her boys and girls were equal and it was not my fault if the boys in my class were not as smart as me.
I had my first feminist moment as a seven year old, only I didn’t know it. I would have many more to come.
Aunty Sade told my mother about the incident. I think she expected my mother to scold me but that was not what happened. My mother repeated the exact thing I said, just with different words. I think then it became clear to my teacher that I was being raised to believe in the full equality of the sexes. She apologized to me and all was well. For the time.
But while my teacher may have forgotten this incidence, I will never forget. I was the one whose brilliance and hard work were questioned because I was female.
JSS2. A woman does not only belong in her husband’s house.
The next time I had cause to speak out was in JSS2 when my classmate, a boy with a large head and eczema prone skin told me that it didn’t matter how much I knew, I was going to end up under a man. I saw red. I spoke red.
I made him realize that women were perfect, whole human beings and who didn’t need men or anyone else to complete them. I told him I hoped I never had to love a man, because the idea of being under another human was foreign, it was strange, my parents had never preached it so I did not know how to serve and quite rightly so- I was not born to please a husband.
SS1. MaryRose is rude, she cannot be a form executive.
My school had started a sort of grooming session for prefects, where they became form executives first to learn at the job. I expected to be a form executive. I was smart and a low-key good girl, and my principal liked me. It was supposed to be smooth-sailing. Or not.
I was African, Nigerian and God forbid, female. I was in a Nigerian school where most of my teachers had Nigerian mindsets and somehow believed a girl is as well behaved as she was quiet. Simply put, see no woman, hear no woman. As long as you did whatever you were asked without complaining, you were a well behaved girl capable of leading your form. Unfortunately, I always talked. If I had an issue with something I was going to cause a ruckus and if I wasn’t heard I would walk straight up to the principal and demand to be heard, definitely not the female student they were used to or wanted so it became MaryRose is rude, she cannot be a form executive.
Of course they didn’t say this to me outright, I knew this because my principal, Uncle Lawal of blessed memory said it to me in confidence. He didn’t think I was rude, he liked that I said my mind all the time. I was Uncle’s star girl and our bond remained till he passed. For what my teachers saw as bad, my principal admired. He admired my ‘rudeness’.
I became chapel prefect in SS3. A lovely end to my horrifying story.
100 level. I am under my man and will answer to him in all things.
I don’t need to tell you how much air this statement knocked out of my lungs, you must have guessed it by now.
Gender roles. The woman is to care for the house and the children, the man assists. Scratch assist, he helps.
Every house chore my parents made me do, it was for myself. My mum would say ‘so you can do it when you start to live alone’ before she handed me a broom or called me into the kitchen to watch her cook. I grew up with no idea of gender roles, nobody told me to do anything because I was a girl.
I think the first time I knew that society expected the women to cook and clean was in Social studies class. I argued with the teacher and got sent out. I remember that day always and I still laugh at my teacher’s ignorance. A man is as capable as a woman to sweep, do laundry and cook. If you doubt that men have the ability to cook, I suggest you check for the humans who are most endowed with the title of ‘chef’. Chefs are most times men.
The knowledge of cooking and cleaning does not come pre installed in a vagina.
I know a couple who had a baby and the mother said thank you whenever the father changed diapers and fed the baby.
He didn’t need to be thanked, that child was his, he was being a father to the child.
We need to stop making men feel that by helping around in the house, they are doing a a great service.
I was first called a feminist when I was 16. It felt heady and good and I felt like aunty Chimamanda.
Twitter or X. The baton of authority has been passed to my husband.
It was in December 2023 I saw this tweet.
As people who are human beings, the lenses through which women see themselves are scary. My question is, why do these women so desperately want to be led? Why can’t they understand that they are autonomous beings capable of thinking and making decisions? Why don’t they see that in today’s world what makes for a superior human being are things like creativity, brilliance, innovation and not physical strength?
This was my reply to the tweet.
Girls have it easier in medical school.
I am a medical student. I earned my place there by sheer hard work and dogged determination. The first time someone said this to me, I wanted to yell. I tried to remain calm and I told him he hated women, that he thought whatever a woman had was handed out to her or that she slept with someone to get it. Because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have told me that women have it easier in medical school; a place where everyone reads the same books and writes the same examinations and are tested by the same examiners.
It is demeaning to assume women have it easier in any sphere of life. Whatever a woman has, she worked very hard to get it, harder than the man because I assure you that there were so many people who didn’t want her to succeed.
Feminist. A person who believes in and advocates for the political, economic and social equality of the sexes.
I am feminist. I believe in the full equality of the sexes. All human beings are equal, none is more equal than the other.
Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings.
I gave a talk about three months ago and on the flyer, under my name was the word feminist. My friend asked if I couldn’t have made them put human rights activist in stead and I said no. Because calling myself a human rights activist would be denying that it’s not just a group of people who are not seen for what they can offer but for their sex. It would be denying that it’s not women who have to struggle hard to break stereotypes. It would be denying that society doesn’t accept women the way it accepts men. It would be half-truth and I don’t like half truths.
Feminist. A person who believes in and advocates for the political, economic and social equality of the sexes.
I hope the world is kinder to women. It should be.
Thank you for reading to the end, and seeing how my feminist brain thinks. 💕
Please leave a clap and share my work, it’ll mean the world to me.
See you next time when I have something to share, hopefully soon.
Love always.♡
